Sunday, 6 April 2014

Gettin outa me chair

This Comfortable Chair of Mine

Now I’ve turned seventy years of age, the family bought a chair,
I had it for me birthdee, I was consulted and aware,
Had to have a go try it out, to make sure it did the job,
High enough back n’ foot rest, n’ not too soft a squab.

Its huge when it stands there, and a cable from the plug,
A controller in ya right hand, and I fit in it nice and snug,
A button to lift ya feet up, and a button to lower the back,
And one to lift you up again,  was soon getting into the knack.

Now I fear a power cut, when me feet are up in the air,
Back is down and ya feel a clown, and conner git art o’ the chair,
Like blady big tortoise on its back, belly up swinging ya feet,
Shouting fa help come and get me, help me git art o’ this seat.

This hasn’t happened but I fear, could when I’m home alone,
Going to sleep that is easy, but then I shouldn’t moan,
If someone knocks at the door, takes a while to lift me right up,
They knock again and again,  I feel like a fly blown old tup.

I must tell you the cover is leather, cow hide has gone into that,
The cost of it was tremendous, the cow she must have been fat,
What we paid we got short changed, insides of the cow had gone,
Price of the chair, price of a cow, beef and steaks we had none.

Now I’ve got well used to it, my inhabitations flew out of the door,
Sit in it after my lunch and tea, go to sleep and have a good snore,
My appreciation what they bought, it suits me down to the ground,
Thank my family again and again, this comfortable chair they found.

Owd Fred

Well it did happen about 9pm one evening, about two years on from when I had the chair, we had a power cut, and this is the saga of what happened.

The Great escape “Getting out of Me Chair”

I was stranded. The misses was out of earshot, and it was too dangerous for her to wander about in the dark and come down stairs.

 Well it happened, it was going to happen sometime, and it happen the other night, and we had a power cut. Sitting comfortable as you do in the evening watching TV, we had just had a cup of tea at supper time and the misses had gone up to bed, I was half an hour behind her but just before my program had finished the electric went off.
 As you may know the family bought me a new chair for my 70th and I was well flat out on it, feet well up and head up just enough to see the TV, and as I said the chair is operated from the plug on electric, so I was stranded. The misses was out of earshot and was too dangerous for her to wander about in the dark and come down stairs as well, so as described in my thoughts about this situation where I warned myself about a power cut. (see the verse above) Having sat for five minutes thinking it might come on again   shortly, it did not happen, so I was  like a tortoise on its back.
It’s a recliner chair, the back goes down almost flat and it lifts ya feet up level and its operated with an electric controller off the mains. I started swinging my legs up in the air, and eventually managed to roll out of the chair over the arm rest, landing on my "tin" knees on all four in the middle of the carpet. This was the safest way to move about to the door when I clawed my way up the door post, felt my way along the hallway to the office where I knew where I had got a windup modern torch. All this took best part of fifteen minutes and went up to check her indoors was Okay.
We both sat in the dark on the bed discussing the programs we had respectively been watching and sat laughing about my "great escape".  However the power was restored after about an hour and half and I went down to "drive" my chair back into its parking position, ready for my next knap after lunch tomorrow.

On reflection if I had been patient I could have stayed in the chair until it came back on, but at that time of night I also have the need to "water me hoss" so I demonstrated to myself how agile I was, and just wonder how it will pan out in say twenty years’ time when I'm "OLD". 

The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.  Alan Saporta

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