The Great Escape 20

Getting out of "Me Chair".

I was stranded. The misses was out of earshot, and it was too dangerous for her to wander about in the dark and come down stairs.
Well it happened, it was going to happen some time, and it happen the other night, and we had a power cut. Sitting comfortable as you do in the evening watching TV, we had just had a cup of tea at supper time and the misses had gone up to bed, I was half an hour behind her but just before my programme had finished the electric went off.

This Comfortable Chair of Mine

Now I've turned seventy years of age, the family bought a chair,

I had it for me birthdee, I was consulted and aware,

Had to have a go try it out, to make sure it did the job,

High enough back n' foot rest, n' not too soft a squab.

Its huge when it stands there, and a cable from the plug,

A controller in ya right hand, and I fit in it nice and snug,

A button to lift ya feet up, and a button to lower the back,

And one to lift you up again, was soon getting into the knack.

Now I fear a power cut, when me feet are up in the air,

Back is down and ya feel a clown, and conner git art o' the chair,

Like blady big tortoise on its back, belly up swinging ya feet,

Shouting fa help come and get me, help me git art o' this seat.

This hasn't happened but I fear, could when I'm home alone,

Going to sleep that is easy, but then I shouldn't moan,

If someone knocks at the door, takes a while to lift me right up,

They knock again and again, I feel like a fly blown old tup.

I must tell you the cover is leather, cow hide has gone into that,

The cost of it was tremendous, the cow she must have been fat,

What we paid we got short changed, insides of the cow had gone,

Price of the chair, price of a cow, beef and steaks we had none.

Now I've got well used to it, my inhabitations flew out of the door,

Sit in it after my lunch and tea, go to sleep and have a good snore,

My appreciation what they bought, it suits me down to the ground,

Thank my family again and again, this comfortable chair they found.

Owd Fred

As you know the family bought me a new chair for my 70th and I was well flat out on it feet well up and head up just enough to see the TV, and as I said the chair is operated from the plug on electric, so I was stranded. The misses was out of earshot and was too dangerous for her to wander about in the dark and come down stairs as well, so as described in my thoughts about this situation (see the tag Me Chair) where I warned myself about a power cut.
Having sat for five minuets thinking it might come on again shortly, it did not happen, so like a tortoise on its back I started swinging my legs up in the air and eventually managed to roll out of the chair over the arm rest, landing on my "tin" knees (see tag for Metal joints) on all four in the middle of the carpet. This was the safest way to move about to the door when I clawed my way up the door post, felt my way along the hallway to the office where I knew where I had got a windup modern torch. All this took best part of fifteen minuets and went up to check her indoors was Okay.

We both sat in the dark on the bed discussing the programmes we had respectively been watching and sat laughing about my "great escape". However the power was restored after about an hour and half and I went down to "drive" my chair back into its parking position, ready for my next knap after lunch tomorrow.
On reflection if I had been patient I could have stayed in the chair until it came back on, but at that time of night I also have the need to "water me hoss" so I demonstrated to myself how agile I was, and just wonder how it will pan out in say twenty years time when I'm "old".


Life's Time Clock You Cannot Beat

You wonder where the time, and all the years have gone,
They pass so quickly now, going one by one,
Season's sequence come in turn, no control have we,
Wind and rain and sunshine, day and night decree.

Snow and frost in winter, good start for New Year,
Spring and summer showers, and the sun appear,
Autumn fruits and berries, winter for the birds to eat,
Repeat with little change, life's time clock cannot beat.

Owd Fred


The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.
Alan Saporta

A Bit Long in the Tooth 6

A Bit Long in the Tooth

I know this is up to date but it will give you an insight into the bloke who's writing this blog. I am trying to see myself as others may see me, in other words a reflection.

He's had seventy years in farming, getting a bit long in the tooth, although he's still got all his own teeth, moving a bit slower, standing a bit shorter, gone grey on top and can see his scalp through thin hair, got no work in him, looked after by his misses too well for his own good, and now got a new arm chair.

I Will Describe This Man I See

I will describe this man I see,

as best as I can judge,

When he sits down to have a rest,

job to make him budge,

This he does each afternoon,

till cup of tea at three,

Then slowly moves and back to work,

peel him off settee. ( New chair now)

He used to have to duck his head,

to go through six foot door,

Getting round shouldered,

natural bend, don't duck any more,

Gone all grey, and going thin on top,

you see his scalp when wet,

Forehead getting higher,

no longer does he sweat.

When he gets a grump ,

his lips turn down, jutting out his chin,

Eyebrows drop and looks through them,

to run you must begin,

Its just a passing cloud I think,

the sun comes out and smiles,

Can just see his teeth,

and the gap, nothing them defiles.

Lazy comes to mind sometimes,

but then he's getting old,

Hasn't got his dad now,

to crack the whip and scold,

His own boss, do what he likes,

no one to whip him up,

All the ploughing matches been to,

he's only won one cup.

Another clue to who it is,

he had an operation on his knee,

Then he had another just the same,

on the other you see,

Metal joints he had fitted,

these clues give you the key,

Must be why I'm shorter now,

for in the mirror, it's only me.

Owd Fred

 I was lucky enough to have a new arm chair for me birthdee. I was allowed to choose it and try it so there would be no moaning. Not that I ever moan, but I make exception about what they had to pay for it (moan), but then if I can have it for the next thirty years I suppose it will be okay.
Oh now when I wake up in me chair, I find that the grandchildren have stuck the fridge magnets on my metal knee's. and they frighten themselves to death when they're trying out the new metal detector.
It takes the best part of a minute (moan) to get out of it when its in the extreme prone position, and when they bring a hot cup of tea, nobody wants to wait while I recover and sit up enough to be able to hold it, and when someone knocks the door (moan), they're just off out of the gate in the car by the time I get to them.
So the chair has some drawbacks, but by god it is comfortable.

This Comfortable Chair of Mine

Now I've turned seventy years of age,

the family bought a chair,

I had it for me birthdee,

I was consulted and aware,

Had to have a go try it out,

to make sure it did the job,

High enough back n' foot rest,

n' not too soft a squab.

Its huge when it stands there,

and a cable from the plug,

A controller in ya right hand,

and I fit in it nice and snug,

A button to lift ya feet up,

and a button to lower the back,

And one to lift you up again,

was soon getting into the knack.

Now I fear a power cut,

when me feet are up in the air,

Back is down and ya feel a clown,

and conner git art o' the chair,

Like blady big tortoise on its back,

belly up swinging ya feet,

Shouting fa help come and get me,

help me git art o' this seat.

This hasn't happened but I fear,

could when I'm home alone,

Going to sleep that is easy,

but then I shouldn't moan,

If someone knocks at the door,

takes a while to lift me right up,

They knock again and again,

I feel like a fly blown old tup.

I must tell you the cover is leather,

cow hide has gone into that,

The cost of it was tremendous,

the cow she must have been fat,

What we paid we got short changed,

insides of the cow had gone,

Price of the chair, price of a cow,

beef and steaks we had none.

Now I've got well used to it,

my inhabitations flew out of the door,

Sit in it after my lunch and tea,

go to sleep and have a good snore,

My appreciation what they bought,

it suits me down to the ground,

Thank my family again and again,

this comfortable chair they found.

Owd Fred

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than open it and remove all doubt.
Quotation by Mark twain (1835-1910)